Unsweetened Survival

Basket full of apples
Some how I picked a bad one
Like a bad pun
No hon-ey
for my tea
Just like me
Bitter
and
Unsweetened
Cause sugar is the thing that attracts bees
Ravage through your colony
Leaving nothing but stings
That’s not my kind of thing
Hoodie on
Zipped up
No ties
Thats how a real bad ass wolf survives

Advertisements

Resent-full

How dare you pretend to understand
The only thing we have common is that
everything we did, we do it for you
You’re out there with your friends now
While I’m holding my head down
Praying to sleep
When the loneliness creep
Writing this In the same bed
Read it and weep
But thats my problem now
You care as long as there’s timeouts and your opponent’s controller is down
Out of bounds
Out of a touch
I don’t want you as much
You’re everything I wish I never had
And i’m not sad
I’m mad
That I let myself be stupid
Like c’mon only a fool believes in cupid
Cause love doesn’t strike
In the dark loneliness of night.
You may say I wrote this out of spite
But it is what it is
Or is what it isn’t
I can’t wait to be done because this feeling is prison
Bound the feelings I no longer want within
The thought of you should be a sin
My dark twisted fantasy
But you aint no Kanye
Yet I put you on the pedestal
Mr. Oh don’t worry it’ll get better though
There’s a few things you’ll never know
Ego blind and Pride covered
King of the jungle bullshit
I hate what I allowed you to do to me
Thank me, but fuck you
I wish I never fucked you
I wish you never answered that text after weeks of trying
Now I’m washed up
Hung up
Drying…
Dying……..
To change emotions with potions
To wash away the stain of you
The pain of you
The I can’t believe I’m just a maybe too
In this elixir of life I got one thing for you
An immeasurable bag of resentment
Full of things I should of saved for Mr. I do too.

Grim Reaper

If I stop writing
I might find an excuse to kill myself
Not because of you
or him
or her
or because people lack compassion for others
or because of racial injustice
or the fact that there are complete psychos outside
who may kill me first and I would prefer to have the gratification
But,
Because idle time is the devil’s playground
and while i may sit here all alone
The world seems to carry on
so what’s the world with
one less lonely girl
toting a shit ton of “imaginary” issues
because what I see seems to be invisible to most
and I’d hate to give someone else the burden
Because when I do it
I’ll be able to get away with murder

Broken Wreckord

How does one measure devotion
There’s no recipe for this love potion
or poison
I don’t know, pick one.
But that’s a hard choice to make
a hard pill to swallow
but without it, my insides are hollow
Do I fuel up on sugar filled snacks
or deprive myself of any of that
That as in love, or food, or sex, or life
My indecision brings me strife
I want nothing more, but to be
a happy mother and wife
If I do too much it’ll scare you
Too little then you’d think I don’t care too
But I’m missing all the ingredients to your elixir
or maybe I’m not tasting all that’s there
I just want to hear
That you’re all here
All In
But in this world that’s a sin
There’s money to be made
Job’s to be had
Goals to reach
and I’m one of few
Whose mantra is “Love is key”
So excuse me while I use Ben Franklin’s face to burn my weed
Because without love nobody can succeed
But that’s just my world
So please tell me how I can measure devotion
in a society
Where money comes before love
and if I don’t stand by you
I get left at the bayou
singing the same broken song.

Forever our Angel

I saw an Angel today
and all I could do is pray
because I live where you met your demise
To everyone’s surprise
Your smile’s still bright
and your hair’s still slayed as always
I couldn’t help that I seen you beyond the
sculpture of Harriet Tubman
I knew that you’d found the light of our protectors
and that you’re safe in the Lord’s arms
Although I wish it wasn’t so soon
The moon
deserved a bright star
Now you’re our light and our protector
Leading us to destiny
Love you forever

Crepuscule Dweller

There’s something about darkness
The unknown of what’s to come next
No matter what the plan is
It seems to just snatch it away
But I’ve become one with the darkness
I’ve found my comfort in this unknown
Tucked away in my corner
Okay with being unknown
Because my name is not mine
It was given
And neither are you
But I once found comfort in your light
When I forgot
To whom much is given
much can also be taken away
and away you go
into the darkness of someone else’s arms
But I guess you’ve found some light there
While mine continues to dim
In this world of grim
thoughts and uncertainty
I could never capture light for too long
and by holding on
I tend to prolong
My real story
The one where my happily ever afters
are just after thoughts
and forgotten text
better yet “the best sex”
but nothing worth dwelling on
beyond the hours you perspire
and the moans mount higher
but please don’t think this song is about you
this is the comfort in my darkness
my openness with sexuality
my true reality
because it’s easier this way
and I did want you too, but I always knew you could never stay
the plan was to escape that darkness
but just like clock work, it snatched you away.

Refinancing Love

I love you but I shouldn’t love you

You made me love me when I couldn’t love me 

Now the self healing wounds I neglected

Reminded me that you’ve come into this love unprotected 

And I would hate to be the person that ruins you

Brown eyes so true 

And a touch that takes me to the moon

And a smile that’d kill me if I took it from you

Because I’m a thief in many ways 

But your heart is something I couldn’t tear away 

Because you made me find me in an abyss 

So dark 

And your love shines so bright 

Only El diablo would be happy knowing I dimmed that light

So I step back 

With no attack 

Plan for the get back 

But I pray that one day we could get back 

When the bruises heal

And our love can coincide 

Like the waves during low tide 

Because you are the only wave I want ride 

Until the sand in the hour glass decides 

My time is no more 

And with you I’d be happy even if I died poor

Because our love is sooo rich 

No bank could hold the deposit 

But I appreciate that you invested it in me

Even when you questioned what we could potentially be.

For ever yours, forever indebted 

And I save for you

My heart

My mind

My body 

My soul 

So that one day our love could be replenished.

The expense of life’s nutrients

Why is it that I can get 90 antidepressants for less than $5 but vitamins are so expensive. Basic supply and demand, more people are on antidepressants than those that are taking vitamins. Society has found a way to capitalize on distress, isn’t that sad. They created this system to constantly keep us competing with one another. Who has more, whose better, it is a stressful system set up for us to fail or combust. To be depressed is to constantly feel like you’re not good enough or doing enough or achieving anything. You’re drowning in the thoughts of your possible inadequacy that you see no point in actively trying to be better. Then society has the audacity to charge us for chemicals to improve our imbalance, meanwhile we are just humans. Forced to live up to the overly demanding standards set before us. We need our life nutrients, love, mental stimulation, a warm and safe place to go to shut society up. 

Like A Snapshot

Like a Snapshot
Memory Fades and it’s all a daze

But like a snapshot

I capture the moment

Only to lock it away 

In solitary of my mind 

With the filthiest, begrimed memories of them all.

Irony in that is that I’m farther away from freedom then when it all started.

Like a snapshot 

You’ll be back 

With the creak of a door in the pitch black of night.

Or with the slightest touch felt without warning 

Or when the warm summer breeze kisses my neck.

The prisoners escape from their cage

Emptying the time capsule 

Like pills I pray to God I don’t take

When the monsters taunt me at night

To take away my precious life 

That My God and my mother worked tirelessly to keep.

Until then I will lock these memories away like my mother did the pills and the knives

Like a snapshot

Dear Chipped Paint

Dear Chipped Paint,
You are old, tired and worn out.
You were spread thin in somebody else’s image to create beauty and happiness.
You were held to a high regard with many expectations.
You have served your purpose.
But now you are old, tired and worn out.
You’ve spent months sometimes years without maintenance.
For others to marvel over and appreciate and to enjoy the ambiance you create
But now you are old, tired and worn out.
You didn’t ask to be here, but you stayed strong.
You’ve held up as long as you could and nobody can help you as you begin to chip away piece by piece.
Most will look at you and want to replace you
But I want to know your story.
You hold lies, laughs, secrets, stories both good and bad.
You’ve seen many come and go constantly being left behind.
The weight of a building is on your shoulders.
Yet you never make a sound
You just silently break away finding your peace in pieces.
I want to free you of your burdens
Let you know that you have fulfilled the hearts of many
Just because you chip doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love and appreciation.
One day someone other than me will realize your worth despite all that you’ve been through
You may be old, tired and worn out to some
But to me your well seasoned, poised and a work of art.

Sincerely,
Your Secret Admirer