Grim Reaper

If I stop writing
I might find an excuse to kill myself
Not because of you
or him
or her
or because people lack compassion for others
or because of racial injustice
or the fact that there are complete psychos outside
who may kill me first and I would prefer to have the gratification
But,
Because idle time is the devil’s playground
and while i may sit here all alone
The world seems to carry on
so what’s the world with
one less lonely girl
toting a shit ton of “imaginary” issues
because what I see seems to be invisible to most
and I’d hate to give someone else the burden
Because when I do it
I’ll be able to get away with murder

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Broken Wreckord

How does one measure devotion
There’s no recipe for this love potion
or poison
I don’t know, pick one.
But that’s a hard choice to make
a hard pill to swallow
but without it, my insides are hollow
Do I fuel up on sugar filled snacks
or deprive myself of any of that
That as in love, or food, or sex, or life
My indecision brings me strife
I want nothing more, but to be
a happy mother and wife
If I do too much it’ll scare you
Too little then you’d think I don’t care too
But I’m missing all the ingredients to your elixir
or maybe I’m not tasting all that’s there
I just want to hear
That you’re all here
All In
But in this world that’s a sin
There’s money to be made
Job’s to be had
Goals to reach
and I’m one of few
Whose mantra is “Love is key”
So excuse me while I use Ben Franklin’s face to burn my weed
Because without love nobody can succeed
But that’s just my world
So please tell me how I can measure devotion
in a society
Where money comes before love
and if I don’t stand by you
I get left at the bayou
singing the same broken song.

Forever our Angel

I saw an Angel today
and all I could do is pray
because I live where you met your demise
To everyone’s surprise
Your smile’s still bright
and your hair’s still slayed as always
I couldn’t help that I seen you beyond the
sculpture of Harriet Tubman
I knew that you’d found the light of our protectors
and that you’re safe in the Lord’s arms
Although I wish it wasn’t so soon
The moon
deserved a bright star
Now you’re our light and our protector
Leading us to destiny
Love you forever

Crepuscule Dweller

There’s something about darkness
The unknown of what’s to come next
No matter what the plan is
It seems to just snatch it away
But I’ve become one with the darkness
I’ve found my comfort in this unknown
Tucked away in my corner
Okay with being unknown
Because my name is not mine
It was given
And neither are you
But I once found comfort in your light
When I forgot
To whom much is given
much can also be taken away
and away you go
into the darkness of someone else’s arms
But I guess you’ve found some light there
While mine continues to dim
In this world of grim
thoughts and uncertainty
I could never capture light for too long
and by holding on
I tend to prolong
My real story
The one where my happily ever afters
are just after thoughts
and forgotten text
better yet “the best sex”
but nothing worth dwelling on
beyond the hours you perspire
and the moans mount higher
but please don’t think this song is about you
this is the comfort in my darkness
my openness with sexuality
my true reality
because it’s easier this way
and I did want you too, but I always knew you could never stay
the plan was to escape that darkness
but just like clock work, it snatched you away.

Refinancing Love

I love you but I shouldn’t love you

You made me love me when I couldn’t love me 

Now the self healing wounds I neglected

Reminded me that you’ve come into this love unprotected 

And I would hate to be the person that ruins you

Brown eyes so true 

And a touch that takes me to the moon

And a smile that’d kill me if I took it from you

Because I’m a thief in many ways 

But your heart is something I couldn’t tear away 

Because you made me find me in an abyss 

So dark 

And your love shines so bright 

Only El diablo would be happy knowing I dimmed that light

So I step back 

With no attack 

Plan for the get back 

But I pray that one day we could get back 

When the bruises heal

And our love can coincide 

Like the waves during low tide 

Because you are the only wave I want ride 

Until the sand in the hour glass decides 

My time is no more 

And with you I’d be happy even if I died poor

Because our love is sooo rich 

No bank could hold the deposit 

But I appreciate that you invested it in me

Even when you questioned what we could potentially be.

For ever yours, forever indebted 

And I save for you

My heart

My mind

My body 

My soul 

So that one day our love could be replenished.

The expense of life’s nutrients

Why is it that I can get 90 antidepressants for less than $5 but vitamins are so expensive. Basic supply and demand, more people are on antidepressants than those that are taking vitamins. Society has found a way to capitalize on distress, isn’t that sad. They created this system to constantly keep us competing with one another. Who has more, whose better, it is a stressful system set up for us to fail or combust. To be depressed is to constantly feel like you’re not good enough or doing enough or achieving anything. You’re drowning in the thoughts of your possible inadequacy that you see no point in actively trying to be better. Then society has the audacity to charge us for chemicals to improve our imbalance, meanwhile we are just humans. Forced to live up to the overly demanding standards set before us. We need our life nutrients, love, mental stimulation, a warm and safe place to go to shut society up.