If I had a Dollar

If I had a dollar for every lapse in judgement
every time I let the gates around my heart fall
To those with little to no reciprocation
all my financial issues would be taken care of.
Why is it that I fear rejection
and I’ve luckily avoided it for years,
but now she spins around me like a boomerang
striking me every time.
Maybe it’s better this way.
Maybe I deserve it?
But it hurts,
My heart really, really hurts
and the one who I’ve given all my love tokens
is oblivious to the pain he causes.
Yet I still let him bask in my warmth
and he enjoys it, more than he enjoys me
Because he knows how I feel and what I want
But he denies me of those things because
“He’s not ready…”
Ready to fuck, but not ready to love
And I’m too busy depositing my love tokens
Alone and in pain
and I cant seem to help, but wonder
If I was just another opportunity he got to take.
But I need to get out before I over expense myself.
But I can’t help, but just give you one more dollar
In hope that one day
I’ll invade your mind like you do mine
That I’ll be all you ever want and something you’d never want to lose.
But until then I’m just the girl that got a long fuck with very little to show for it.
At least if I had a Dollar for every mistake I made with my heart
I would have a mansion to cry my lonely sorrows in.

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