A Mount of Nothing

I’m not surprised that I’m not good enough…
Again
Many actions and reactions suppressed at my expense.
I’m tired of wanting to be good enough
and recognized, but at the same time
I crave it.
You know the feeling when you’re all they want
the only one…
when your happiness is their happiness
and they’ll put whatever aside to achieve that.
Welp.
That’s me
Always on this one-way street
In rain, snow, or sleet
I make it my disposition to be in that
position
where you’re never alone or lonely on a cloudy day.
You say I deserve sunshine, but you steal my rays
And I let you,
because
Welp
That’s just me.
Giving and giving cause they say what is meant
shall be.
But now your cup runneth over
I’m begging you to come over
and your basking in the glory of yourself
and I’m drowning in an empty well
wagering my last coin
wishing that one day
I too will be good enough.
Welp
that’s just me
And maybe I’ll never be.

Scattered at Night

Do you want to play a game?
Were your words when I was strapped down to the bed unable to speak.
You were close enough to touch, but for some unknown reason, my eyes couldn’t see.
Finally, someone wants me, but I don’t know who that someone could be.
You play your games late at night and it haunts me.
it pleasures me to be desired at the most undesirable hours, but
then you’re no comfort in the sunlight.
Maybe it’s because we both have secrets, secrets that can never come to light.
If they knew the real us, they’d never want us.
And that’s all we want. The comfort of being wanted is a warm blindfold.
I tangle with the devil at night and tip toe around Christ by day, but what can I say?
We all need something to believe in and who knows what the truth is?
To be honest, I’m so far from the truth my name should be a synonym for liar. I just don’t know. I’m so far withdrawn sometimes I don’t even know what the real truth is. I think it’s because I want to be wanted. I liked to feel needed, but I hate to be used. But even when I’m used my availability doesn’t waiver.
I’m lost, I’m cold and the dark is approaching, I guess I’ll see you tonight… that is if you want me.