The Monster in Me that Craved You

The monsters were under my bed

In my closet

Please oh please mommy Check..

She never did.

Fetal position wrapped up tight in my blanket

I felt the dark red eyes on me

I felt the claws pulling at my blanket

It wanted me.

They wanted me

But I wanted you mommy.

But mommy didn’t want me.

Swimming lessons

My feet barely grazed the bottom

But I was safe in your hold

Then the instructor said “Let go”

You did just that.

The monster pulled me down

It tried to swallow

I hopped from foot to foot

Jumping for the safety of your hold

You laughed,

Humor.

As you thought I was doing a dance

As I reached High School

The monsters were in my head

No need to call for mommy

Those dependent days were dead

I baked those monsters

Flying high

I didn’t need an airplane,

They liked that.

They liked me.

I wasn’t scared anymore

They wanted me.

They demanded more,

They wanted more…

From me

The adrenaline wasn’t enough

I popped a few to feel myself.

A few sips when the feelings became too much

The monsters got louder

I wasn’t giving them enough

That was okay, I was just happy they wanted me

I quit that nine to three

Because teachers only spoke on what I could potentially be

The monster wasn’t hungry

So we decided not to eat

It only got louder,

I think you heard it too,

That night you found me powder nosed

We knelt at the pew,

You cried for me,

The way I use to cry for you,

You held me long that night

Your embrace was warm and tight

Finally I thought I did something right

I haven’t heard from the monster since that night.

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