Quite Contrary

I will just be sitting on my porch, minding my business, and everyday groups of people

come and ask me the same old question.

“Mary Mary quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?”

I never tell my secret to the groups, because I know they wouldn’t understand. But my

when those lone guys and gals come by…Oooh wheee, they are my favorite. Come in a

little closer my dear. Young William did just as I asked. I whisper

“With silver bells and cockleshells”

Poor William’s eyes popped open in agony as my niece’s sledgehammer

ran across his little willy. The secret to my garden’s booming success. Poor dear, it was

her first night working for me and she swung a little too hard, taking off the damn boys


Blood splattered all over my white shoes. I got these shoes when my mother passed. My

father hated whenever I didn’t look neat and insisted I wore all white for my mother’s

funeral. I remember that day I stepped in gum messing up the sole of my new shoes and

daddy beat me so bad when we got home from the funeral. He would be turning in his

grave at the sight of me now.

Janie was already crying “I’m sorry Auntie, I tried to do it just like you showed me, but

he was standing funny.” Don’t worry about it now, you’ll pay for it later. “No auntie, it

was an accident.” Little did she know her fate was already determined.

Speaking of sorry, I’m sorry daddy, if only I never ran off with that James fella you didn’t

like. Now what was I suppose to do with all this mess?

I was looking over Janie’s shoulder when she asked my favorite question,

“Auntie is this really all that helps your garden grow?” as she was putting in this weeks

set of peckers. I was bursting with laughter and picked up the sledgehammer, raised it

over my shoulder and struck Jessie in the back of her foolish head.

….And pretty maids all in a row.”


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