I take a sip then i feel it
You got what I want, but not what I need
Your comfort, you’re warmth, your protection,
but I’m unsure of your intentions.
You got what i want, but not what I need
Calcium, my strength, but also my vitamin D.
I churn for you, i yearn for you,
but thats just how I do
the farther I get into this glass
I’m not sure how long this will last
Now I’m on the toilet contemplating
Maybe that last sip done did it
But I’ll still let you hit
I just want to be wanted you see
And you say there’s something about me
but I’m sure there was something about her
because she got to you before it went bad
So you say..
But she comes first
And I’m indulging on what she had
I can’t keep track
I just know I can’t seem to stop drinking
the milk that does my body good
…but my heart and mind so bad.
I take a sip then i feel it
Can I be your sweet afternoon delight?
You don’t drink so perhaps a cold coke or sprite.
Instead of the mistress of midnight
Can I be your friend before the day ends.
OR will I remain a late night summer fling
Throughout the day we share sweet nothings
I don’t know why I always fall for this
A warm hug and a sweet kiss
This game I play I seem to be unequipt
Take the lead I’ll follow strong
Or am I missing your very words
Mistaken for kicks
The days go by as our time grows shorter
and at times I leave you unamused
Maybe its best this way
I know I can’t stay
Which is probably why this is how things have come to be
The lack of knowledge on this thing makes it hard for me to compete
Why am I infatuated with love, but love does not love me?
It’s not suppose to hurt this bad, or this much, or for this long, but it does.
All the good times shared to prove the love and bond go out the window faster than the beat to your favorite rap song.
Can I be your favorite rap song?
Put me on repeat, recite me, but don’t you dare get tired.
Just Love me…
Oh how I wish you could just love me, like that rap song.
I want to be everything, but I am always reminded that I’m not
It hurts that you forget how much I love and how much I care
and the depths to which I would go
Because at times.. oh those dark times…
you mean more to me than life its self at times
I thought I expressed that.. but I guess it’s not enough
Why is it not enough to weaken the blows of your angry words?
Or have I shortchanged myself in the piggy bank of respect
Please forgive me, because Daddy left such a huge debt,
a debt I replaced with the finance of your love
and i find myself bankrupt in your absence
Have you ever heard a heart shatter?
Well I did.
Loud and clear
First there was a sharp pain then
My chest paused when
my breathe stopped
and the intense beating
I used my hands to ease the blow
as the shards pierced my soul
Then froze like a cartoon
When they realized there was no way to go
to escape the pain from the implosion
Ain’t no sunshine since you’re gone
My world has darkened
and there was no where to go, but
a hundred million together forevers
are never forever
How could anyone not hear that?
Chuckle Mr. Giggle
Being tickled as I Wiggle
Juvenile in thought
Mature in mind
Mine… You are.. or at least I want you to be
Least is what you expect of me because I’m not what you want me to be.
Bee.. Buzzing on a hot summer day
Sweet Honey slowly burning on the stove.
Mama’s cooking those sweet biscuit again.
Or at least I wish she would
Mama don’t cook no more
Supposedly I’m old enough to care for myself
My own job, My own money, Pay my portion of the bills
But Ma, I’m only 16
“I came to the states when I was 16, and never did I complain about taking care of myself,”
It’s a new age, she’ll never understand.
Misunderstood I remain
Until the value of hard work falls upon me.
Me? Yet who is she? or Who is I?
Questions I’m afraid to answer for I am afraid finding my purpose becomes the end of me.
You call him, but never see him, yet he’s there protecting me
Well my hearts broken, I’m not a cover girl, the most likes I get are on the internet.
Where is he now?
Where was daddy when I was growing up
Too many kids to care for one
Confined between thick bullet-proof glass
Draped in orange dressing,
Labels put on the man inside a place of maximum security
Then why don’t I feel secure.
Vulnerable indeed, because I’ve been looking for love
Yet love is yet to find me.
Where is she? Or He?
Whatever society expects me to be.
Expectation are the beings of our disappointment.
Yet I expect less and still disappointed by my ability to be more.
Or lack there of
But what do I know
I’m 17 now, still not cover girl material, and the most likes I get are on facebook.
The monsters were under my bed
In my closet
Please oh please mommy Check..
She never did.
Fetal position wrapped up tight in my blanket
I felt the dark red eyes on me
I felt the claws pulling at my blanket
It wanted me.
They wanted me
But I wanted you mommy.
But mommy didn’t want me.
My feet barely grazed the bottom
But I was safe in your hold
Then the instructor said “Let go”
You did just that.
The monster pulled me down
It tried to swallow
I hopped from foot to foot
Jumping for the safety of your hold
As you thought I was doing a dance
As I reached High School
The monsters were in my head
No need to call for mommy
Those dependent days were dead
I baked those monsters
I didn’t need an airplane,
They liked that.
They liked me.
I wasn’t scared anymore
They wanted me.
They demanded more,
They wanted more…
The adrenaline wasn’t enough
I popped a few to feel myself.
A few sips when the feelings became too much
The monsters got louder
I wasn’t giving them enough
That was okay, I was just happy they wanted me
I quit that nine to three
Because teachers only spoke on what I could potentially be
The monster wasn’t hungry
So we decided not to eat
It only got louder,
I think you heard it too,
That night you found me powder nosed
We knelt at the pew,
You cried for me,
The way I use to cry for you,
You held me long that night
Your embrace was warm and tight
Finally I thought I did something right
I haven’t heard from the monster since that night.
I watched her every night for the past few weeks, through her open shade
windows. She would always put on a sports bra and a pair of brightly colored soffe shorts
as she prepared herself to go to bed. Her hair laid perfectly under the band of her sports
bra, dark and silky.Her skin dazzled with perfection, and oh how I wish to run my hands
down her well-toned form. She would smile sweetly at me through that window late at
The clock read 3:11 a.m as she looked out the window of her 12th-floor dorm
room. She showed no interest in the view, being that it was obstructed by another tower
of dorm rooms, one of them being mine, allowing me to have the best view of all campus.
Her view consisted of the Campus trolley food truck to the left and a piece of the
highway to her right.
I would visit her room as she went to class, and on several outings with her
friends. Every time I stepped inside the doorway, I was invited by the warm smell of
vanilla and sweet lavender. I took the glade air freshener, to use it in my room so I would
always feel her with me. I could only imagine how sweet it must be to get close to her.
If only she understood how important it was for her to get close to me.
I left her a note once.
I can’t deny what I feel for you
I hope you won’t deny me too.
The feelings in my heart are true
Yes you, are the reason I am no longer blue.
Not that I can change color or anything, but I was a smurf before my eyes set on you
Oh twelfth-floor dove
I wake up in full extension at the thought of you
I dream at night of your toes curling when our bodies mesh
Until it’s true, I bid thee adieu
I waited in my room hidden behind the curtain to watch her read my note. She
called in other girls on her floor to read the note and they all laughed.. hysterically.. at
ME. My love. But it wasn’t a joke. It was NOT a joke. I fell to the floor in tears as she
ripped up my devotions and let them fly out the very window of which I first laid eyes on
I’ve had enough. I had to get close to her. I had to show her how I felt. I had to
touch her. Smell her. Feel her.
Then… Then she would know that it’s not a joke.
And she’ll fall in love with me.
We’ll have babies… beautiful babies, because they’ll have her eyes and her soft
skin, and my love.
Today was the day, October 11th, I had Bruno Mars, “Marry you,” on repeat to
prepare myself. I looked in the mirror, smoothed out a few hairs, and straightened my tie.
I didn’t look half bad in my rented gray tux, and my floor mates freshly polished black
leather shoes. I looked out my window to see what she may be up to, but the blinds were
closed. I grabbed the bouquet of a half dozen white roses off my bed and the champagne
from the freezer of my mini fridge. I made my way downstairs and tiptoed past the
sleeping guard at the bottom of her tower.
The entire elevator ride up, I couldn’t help but picture the bright Colgate smile on
her face as I give her the flowers. She would put them aside and grab me into a full
embrace. She would proceed to tell me that she loves me, in between deep kisses, and she
would wrap her legs around me as we fall to the bed. Her hair would smell of warm
vanilla and sweet lavender. Everything would be magical, just like I planned it.
I crept down the dimly lit hall and stopped in front of room 1208. I could hear a
lot of moving around. Probably, having a hard time sleeping, but now I was here. I was
going to hold her as she fell asleep safe in my arms.
I grasped the cold silver handle and twisted it quietly as I slowly pushed the door
inwards. The smell of booze and must intrude my nostrils. I could hear quiet moans.
The room was dark with the exception of the light from a cell phone buzzing with calls.
This light bounced off the figure of my dove, mounted on top of Ryan, the President of
the Kappa Fraternity.
“Oh yeah bitch, just like that,”
I dropped the bouquet of roses as I turned to run out of the room. I ran down the
hallway, to the stairs and passed the security guard, I didn’t even care if he heard me and
wrote me up for sneaking into the girls tower.
I didn’t stop running, my vision blurred with tears of pain, hate, and a broken
heart. How could she? How could she do this to me? I love her? I love her so much, and
yet she chooses to be with that dick, that calls her a bitch? I would never. I should have
kicked his ass. How dare he degrade my dove. He probably forced her, filled her up with
alcohol, seduced her, and then had his way with her angelic body.
I just kept running trying to rid myself of the heart ached. The tears just wouldn’t
stop. The street lights were all just streams of blurring colors. I ran passed hundreds of
bright little white men.
I stopped to try to pull myself together, hunched over and out of breath. I looked
up at the other side of the street. Then there it was, the bright white dove changed to give
me her heart, and I ran to the other side to catch it, before it left me again.
I was knocked out of my borrowed shoes, I didn’t take my eyes off her heart as I
flew through the air, screaming because I was getting farther away from where I wished to be.
I closed my eyes for a second, blinking out the tears as I fell to the stone ground
of the highway. I reached out to where the heart was, but instead I saw him, opening the
blinds to her window, as loud sirens and bright lights came rushing to my side.
Delete, Backspace, erase
Delete, Backspace, Erase
I had written a story I am sure my teacher would hate
Delete, Backspace, Erase
That idea I once thought shined so bright
Dulled like an overused pencil
Delete, Backspace, Erase
If only life’s mistakes were as easy to get rid of as the ones
confined between the margins of microsoft word
Theres tons of things I would
Delete, Backspace, Erase
It’s my own little world between these 1-inch margins
I control the fate of every character, object, adjective, and verb
at the tip of my fingers, and if they don’t satisfy me
Delete, Backspace, Erase
I re-read, rethought, and reworked these lines several times
My thoughts received a do-over
All thanks to
Delete, Backspace, and Erase.
As Daddy played the stereotypical black male,
Occasional letters sent to a distant address,
Momma loved another man her heart grew stale…
I was, because no one ever stuck around
Fresh, Pure, Clean, virgin wool
Ready to give a beat down
To any Imposter that stepped foot in Daddy’s palace
But then the letters stopped,
I still rooted for you from the outside
Until, Phone calls became regularly dropped
The pain became too much to hide
I cried as I wrote
Until pain filled my throat
Mom watched as I increased in weight
“Thunder Thighs” & “Chunky Monkey”
I hated what I’ve become
Those terrible names, describing me,
Once shouted down hall
Now “She’s half the size she use to be,”
Thank God for basketball.
My pre-teen years, were such a scare
Just cause daddy wasn’t here
Well guess what I’ve made it rather far
Although you left my heart with scar
I no longer desire the presence of another
But I give ode to my darling mother
She brought me up so well,
Loving me when when I raised hell
Well now I raised my grades
And Put away my blades
As I allow others into my world
Out of control, as it may be
Through it all, I learned to love me.
I will just be sitting on my porch, minding my business, and everyday groups of people
come and ask me the same old question.
“Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?”
I never tell my secret to the groups, because I know they wouldn’t understand. But my
when those lone guys and gals come by…Oooh wheee, they are my favorite. Come in a
little closer my dear. Young William did just as I asked. I whisper
“With silver bells and cockleshells”
Poor William’s eyes popped open in agony as my niece’s sledgehammer
ran across his little willy. The secret to my garden’s booming success. Poor dear, it was
her first night working for me and she swung a little too hard, taking off the damn boys
Blood splattered all over my white shoes. I got these shoes when my mother passed. My
father hated whenever I didn’t look neat and insisted I wore all white for my mother’s
funeral. I remember that day I stepped in gum messing up the sole of my new shoes and
daddy beat me so bad when we got home from the funeral. He would be turning in his
grave at the sight of me now.
Janie was already crying “I’m sorry Auntie, I tried to do it just like you showed me, but
he was standing funny.” Don’t worry about it now, you’ll pay for it later. “No auntie, it
was an accident.” Little did she know her fate was already determined.
Speaking of sorry, I’m sorry daddy, if only I never ran off with that James fella you didn’t
like. Now what was I suppose to do with all this mess?
I was looking over Janie’s shoulder when she asked my favorite question,
“Auntie is this really all that helps your garden grow?” as she was putting in this weeks
set of peckers. I was bursting with laughter and picked up the sledgehammer, raised it
over my shoulder and struck Jessie in the back of her foolish head.
….And pretty maids all in a row.”