Glutton For Spoiled Milk

I take a sip then i feel it
You got what I want, but not what I need
Your comfort, you’re warmth, your protection,
but I’m unsure of your intentions.
You got what i want, but not what I need
Calcium, my strength, but also my vitamin D.
I churn for you, i yearn for you,
but thats just how I do
the farther I get into this glass
I’m not sure how long this will last
Now I’m on the toilet contemplating
Maybe that last sip done did it
But I’ll still let you hit
Cause….
I just want to be wanted you see
And you say there’s something about me
but I’m sure there was something about her
because she got to you before it went bad
So you say..
But she comes first
And I’m indulging on what she had
Or has?
I can’t keep track
I just know I can’t seem to stop drinking
the milk that does my body good
…but my heart and mind so bad.

Afternoon Delight

Can I be your sweet afternoon delight?

You don’t drink so perhaps a cold coke or sprite.

Instead of the mistress of midnight

Can I be your friend before the day ends.

OR will I remain a late night summer fling

Throughout the day we share sweet nothings

I don’t know why I always fall for this

A warm hug and a sweet kiss

This game I play I seem to be unequipt

Take the lead I’ll follow strong

Or am I missing your very words

Mistaken for kicks

The days go by as our time grows shorter

and at times I leave you unamused

Sorry,

Maybe its best this way

I know I can’t stay

Which is probably why this is how things have come to be

The lack of knowledge on this thing makes it hard for me to compete

Insufficient Funds

Why?

Why am I infatuated with love, but love does not love me?

It’s not suppose to hurt this bad, or this much, or for this long, but it does.

All the good times shared to prove the love and bond go out the window faster than the beat to your favorite rap song.

Can I be your favorite rap song?

Put me on repeat, recite me, but don’t you dare get tired.

Just Love me…

Love me…

Love me..

Oh how I wish you could just love me, like that rap song.

I want to be everything, but I am always reminded that I’m not

It hurts that you forget how much I love and how much I care

and the depths to which I would go

Because at times.. oh those dark times…

you mean more to me than life its self at times

I thought I expressed that.. but I guess it’s not enough

Why is it not enough to weaken the blows of your angry words?

Or have I shortchanged myself in the piggy bank of respect

Please forgive me, because Daddy left such a huge debt,

a debt I replaced with the finance of your love

and i find myself bankrupt in your absence

I need your return before Depression starts calling like Collections

Deafening Silence

Have you ever heard a heart shatter?

Well I did.

Loud and clear

First there was a sharp pain then

My chest paused when

my breathe stopped

and the intense beating

went silent

then BOOM

I used my hands to ease the blow

as the shards pierced my soul

Then froze like a cartoon

When they realized there was no way to go

to escape the pain from the implosion

Ain’t no sunshine since you’re gone

My world has darkened

and there was no where to go, but

DOWN

They dropped

At once

a hundred million together forevers

are never forever

Fell…

All…

At…

Once.

How could anyone not hear that?

 

Unorganized Thoughts of a Discombobulated Teen

Giggle

Hehe-haha

Chuckle Mr. Giggle

Being tickled as I Wiggle

Juvenile in thought

Mature in mind

Mine… You are.. or at least I want you to be

Least is what you expect of me because I’m not what you want me to be.

Bee.. Buzzing on a hot summer day

Sweet Honey slowly burning on the stove.

Mama’s cooking those sweet biscuit again.

Or at least I wish she would

Mama don’t cook no more

Supposedly I’m old enough to care for myself

My own job, My own money, Pay my portion of the bills

But Ma, I’m only 16

“I came to the states when I was 16, and never did I complain about taking care of myself,”

It’s a new age, she’ll never understand.

Misunderstood I remain

Until the value of hard work falls upon me.

Me? Yet who is she? or Who is I?

In question..

Questions I’m afraid to answer for I am afraid finding my purpose becomes the end of me.

Oh God!

You call him, but never see him, yet he’s there protecting me

Well my hearts broken, I’m not a cover girl, the most likes I get are on the internet.

Where is he now?

Where was daddy when I was growing up

Too many kids to care for one

Confined between thick bullet-proof glass

Draped in orange dressing,

Danger..

Labels put on the man inside a place of maximum security

Then why don’t I feel secure.

Vulnerable indeed, because I’ve been looking for love

Yet love is yet to find me.

Where is she? Or He?

Whatever society expects me to be.

Expectation are the beings of our disappointment.

Yet I expect less and still disappointed by my ability to be more.

Or lack there of

But what do I know

I’m 17 now, still not cover girl material, and the most likes I get are on facebook.

 

The Monster in Me that Craved You

The monsters were under my bed

In my closet

Please oh please mommy Check..

She never did.

Fetal position wrapped up tight in my blanket

I felt the dark red eyes on me

I felt the claws pulling at my blanket

It wanted me.

They wanted me

But I wanted you mommy.

But mommy didn’t want me.

Swimming lessons

My feet barely grazed the bottom

But I was safe in your hold

Then the instructor said “Let go”

You did just that.

The monster pulled me down

It tried to swallow

I hopped from foot to foot

Jumping for the safety of your hold

You laughed,

Humor.

As you thought I was doing a dance

As I reached High School

The monsters were in my head

No need to call for mommy

Those dependent days were dead

I baked those monsters

Flying high

I didn’t need an airplane,

They liked that.

They liked me.

I wasn’t scared anymore

They wanted me.

They demanded more,

They wanted more…

From me

The adrenaline wasn’t enough

I popped a few to feel myself.

A few sips when the feelings became too much

The monsters got louder

I wasn’t giving them enough

That was okay, I was just happy they wanted me

I quit that nine to three

Because teachers only spoke on what I could potentially be

The monster wasn’t hungry

So we decided not to eat

It only got louder,

I think you heard it too,

That night you found me powder nosed

We knelt at the pew,

You cried for me,

The way I use to cry for you,

You held me long that night

Your embrace was warm and tight

Finally I thought I did something right

I haven’t heard from the monster since that night.

Unrequited Love

I watched her every night for the past few weeks, through her open shade

windows. She would always put on a sports bra and a pair of brightly colored soffe shorts

as she prepared herself to go to bed. Her hair laid perfectly under the band of her sports

bra, dark and silky.Her skin dazzled with perfection, and oh how I wish to run my hands

down her well-toned form. She would smile sweetly at me through that window late at

night.

The clock read 3:11 a.m as she looked out the window of her 12th-floor dorm

room. She showed no interest in the view, being that it was obstructed by another tower

of dorm rooms, one of them being mine, allowing me to have the best view of all campus.

Her view consisted of the Campus trolley food truck to the left and a piece of the

highway to her right.

I would visit her room as she went to class, and on several outings with her

friends. Every time I stepped inside the doorway, I was invited by the warm smell of

vanilla and sweet lavender. I took the glade air freshener, to use it in my room so I would

always feel her with me. I could only imagine how sweet it must be to get close to her.

If only she understood how important it was for her to get close to me.

I left her a note once.

I can’t deny what I feel for you

I hope you won’t deny me too.

The feelings in my heart are true

That You.

Yes you, are the reason I am no longer blue.

Not that I can change color or anything, but I was a smurf before my eyes set on you

Oh twelfth-floor dove

I wake up in full extension at the thought of you

I dream at night of your toes curling when our bodies mesh

Until it’s true, I bid thee adieu

I waited in my room hidden behind the curtain to watch her read my note. She

called in other girls on her floor to read the note and they all laughed.. hysterically.. at

ME. My love. But it wasn’t a joke. It was NOT a joke. I fell to the floor in tears as she

ripped up my devotions and let them fly out the very window of which I first laid eyes on

her beauty.

I’ve had enough. I had to get close to her. I had to show her how I felt. I had to

touch her. Smell her. Feel her.

Then… Then she would know that it’s not a joke.

And she’ll fall in love with me.

We’ll have babies… beautiful babies, because they’ll have her eyes and her soft

skin, and my love.

Today was the day, October 11th, I had Bruno Mars, “Marry you,” on repeat to

prepare myself. I looked in the mirror, smoothed out a few hairs, and straightened my tie.

I didn’t look half bad in my rented gray tux, and my floor mates freshly polished black

leather shoes. I looked out my window to see what she may be up to, but the blinds were

closed. I grabbed the bouquet of a half dozen white roses off my bed and the champagne

from the freezer of my mini fridge. I made my way downstairs and tiptoed past the

sleeping guard at the bottom of her tower.

The entire elevator ride up, I couldn’t help but picture the bright Colgate smile on

her face as I give her the flowers. She would put them aside and grab me into a full

embrace. She would proceed to tell me that she loves me, in between deep kisses, and she

would wrap her legs around me as we fall to the bed. Her hair would smell of warm

vanilla and sweet lavender. Everything would be magical, just like I planned it.

I crept down the dimly lit hall and stopped in front of room 1208. I could hear a

lot of moving around. Probably, having a hard time sleeping, but now I was here. I was

going to hold her as she fell asleep safe in my arms.

I grasped the cold silver handle and twisted it quietly as I slowly pushed the door

inwards. The smell of booze and must intrude my nostrils. I could hear quiet moans.

The room was dark with the exception of the light from a cell phone buzzing with calls.

This light bounced off the figure of my dove, mounted on top of Ryan, the President of

the Kappa Fraternity.

“Oh yeah bitch, just like that,”

I dropped the bouquet of roses as I turned to run out of the room. I ran down the

hallway, to the stairs and passed the security guard, I didn’t even care if he heard me and

wrote me up for sneaking into the girls tower.

I didn’t stop running, my vision blurred with tears of pain, hate, and a broken

heart. How could she? How could she do this to me? I love her? I love her so much, and

yet she chooses to be with that dick, that calls her a bitch? I would never. I should have

kicked his ass. How dare he degrade my dove. He probably forced her, filled her up with

alcohol, seduced her, and then had his way with her angelic body.

I just kept running trying to rid myself of the heart ached. The tears just wouldn’t

stop. The street lights were all just streams of blurring colors. I ran passed hundreds of

bright little white men.

I stopped to try to pull myself together, hunched over and out of breath. I looked

up at the other side of the street. Then there it was, the bright white dove changed to give

me her heart, and I ran to the other side to catch it, before it left me again.

I was knocked out of my borrowed shoes, I didn’t take my eyes off her heart as I

flew through the air, screaming because I was getting farther away from where I wished to be.

I closed my eyes for a second, blinking out the tears as I fell to the stone ground

of the highway. I reached out to where the heart was, but instead I saw him, opening the

blinds to her window, as loud sirens and bright lights came rushing to my side.

Word Dictator

Mistakes

Delete, Backspace, erase

Get rid

Of

Stupid Mistakes

Delete, Backspace, Erase

I had written a story I am sure my teacher would hate

Delete, Backspace, Erase

That idea I once thought shined so bright

Dulled like an overused pencil

Delete, Backspace, Erase

If only life’s mistakes were as easy to get rid of as the ones

confined between the margins of microsoft word

Theres tons of things I would

Delete, Backspace, Erase

It’s my own little world between these 1-inch margins

I control the fate of every character, object, adjective, and verb

at the tip of my fingers, and if they don’t satisfy me

Delete, Backspace, Erase

I re-read, rethought, and reworked these lines several times

My thoughts received a do-over

All thanks to

Delete, Backspace, and Erase.

Loving Bastard

“Fatherless”

As Daddy played the stereotypical black male,

Occasional letters sent to a distant address,

Momma loved another man her heart grew stale…

Sorry Dad

“Distrustful”

I was, because no one ever stuck around

Fresh, Pure, Clean, virgin wool

Ready to give a beat down

To any Imposter that stepped foot in Daddy’s palace

But then the letters stopped,

I still rooted for you from the outside

Until, Phone calls became regularly dropped

The pain became too much to hide

I cried as I wrote

Until pain filled my throat

I ate.

Mom watched as I increased in weight

“Thunder Thighs” & “Chunky Monkey”

I hated what I’ve become

Those terrible names, describing me,

Once shouted down hall

Now “She’s half the size she use to be,”

Thank God for basketball.

My pre-teen years, were such a scare

Just cause daddy wasn’t here

Well guess what I’ve made it rather far

Although you left my heart with scar

“Independent”

I no longer desire the presence of another

But I give ode to my darling mother

She brought me up so well,

Loving me when when I raised hell

Well now I raised my grades

And Put away my blades

As I allow others into my world

As twirled

Out of control, as it may be

Through it all, I learned to love me.

Quite Contrary

I will just be sitting on my porch, minding my business, and everyday groups of people

come and ask me the same old question.

“Mary Mary quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?”

I never tell my secret to the groups, because I know they wouldn’t understand. But my

when those lone guys and gals come by…Oooh wheee, they are my favorite. Come in a

little closer my dear. Young William did just as I asked. I whisper

“With silver bells and cockleshells”

Poor William’s eyes popped open in agony as my niece’s sledgehammer

ran across his little willy. The secret to my garden’s booming success. Poor dear, it was

her first night working for me and she swung a little too hard, taking off the damn boys

leg.

Blood splattered all over my white shoes. I got these shoes when my mother passed. My

father hated whenever I didn’t look neat and insisted I wore all white for my mother’s

funeral. I remember that day I stepped in gum messing up the sole of my new shoes and

daddy beat me so bad when we got home from the funeral. He would be turning in his

grave at the sight of me now.

Janie was already crying “I’m sorry Auntie, I tried to do it just like you showed me, but

he was standing funny.” Don’t worry about it now, you’ll pay for it later. “No auntie, it

was an accident.” Little did she know her fate was already determined.

Speaking of sorry, I’m sorry daddy, if only I never ran off with that James fella you didn’t

like. Now what was I suppose to do with all this mess?

I was looking over Janie’s shoulder when she asked my favorite question,

“Auntie is this really all that helps your garden grow?” as she was putting in this weeks

set of peckers. I was bursting with laughter and picked up the sledgehammer, raised it

over my shoulder and struck Jessie in the back of her foolish head.

….And pretty maids all in a row.”