The Gamble (Suffer In Silence Pt. 2)

Im writing all of this like this isnt what I said to do.

I let you go and told you to go be a better you

Now im afraid that somebody else is benefiting

And I cant say a damn thing cause its my fault that you hitting

In some way i thought the crazy things i did would be enough

I should have know you wouldnt realize i was calling a bluff

I chose to separate my King when the cards were dealt

I regret rolling the dice when my sevens were set

I put the ammo in the gun, praying to win Russian Roulette.

Got to admit thats the most foolish thing I’ve done yet.

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Suffer In Silence

Lol’s to your text with tear stained cheeks

Say im jappy for you though you chose her over me

My friends said leave you alone, but my heart was weak

Sacrificing all of me just to get a piece of you

Listening to jokes about you screwing her its time to say peace to you

Cause

It was all good just a week ago

Talking about all the places you wish we could go

I’d be lying if i didnt say you have me fucked up

Now you living your best life, busting some nuts huh?

You’ll probably never read this, but let me tell you what you aint gone do

You’re not going to fuck her, phase me, then tell me that you love me too.

That’s a foul

But I wont blow the whistle on that.

Imma slide of the bench while your backs to the door

Taking everything you could of had when you chose to be a whore.

How Would I Know?

We rarely know what we deserve until we aren’t getting it.

If i only ate hamburgers my whole life, how would i know that a cheeseburger is better?

If i grew up in New York surrounded by angry disgruntled people on a daily, how would i know Delaware was nicer?

If I only watched Full house growing up in a single parent home, how would I know that life of a huxtable is possible?

Maybe i offer less than one deserves

Maybe I’m cream of the crop but my machines broken like McDonalds soft Serve

You can ask for a sundae all you want, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get it

You can lay in the park with your love on a Sunday, but they still may only want to hit it

At the end of the day you got to ask is it worth the wait or will you regret it?

Because this world is full of circumstances, driven by perspective and the only only one you’ll ever understand is your own.

You may turn a house into a home, but it cant stop the unknown

A hungry rat will roam

Like a jealous lover searching phones

Looking for what….

How would i know?

Heart to explain

Everyone wants me to be honest

Share how i really feel,

But nothing i say would change how you really feel.

I cant make you see a future that you dont.

I cant make you promise that i’d be in it because you wont.

I want to spend more nights with you without making you feel pressured, but i dont want to sell myself short either.

Am i holding on to a broken dream or does God have plans for you and me?

We may not have to be together, but i want us to enjoy our lives together as long as you dont get another.

This aint like picking a car, there aint no specials, no deals, no warranty and damn sure aint no guarantee that one day you’ll decide you want only me.

Lifes weird that way…. and i wish there was something i could say

Or a sign of a future including us one day

Because i’d quit stressin

The time we shared was a blessing

That i’d hate for someone else to receive

But the thing about meeting a real life Angel is that you have to understand they have many lives to touch.

They cant be possessed or owned no matter how much you’re afraid to let them go.

And i get that..

I just dont like that.

So excuse me while i keep my thoughts to myself about something i cant change.

But I pray to God it work outs for me one day.

Are we friends?

Did i say friends too much?

Because On these late nights i yearn for your touch and you’re contemplating such and such.

Did i say friends too much?

Because your laying with her while my mind is on you and i know love conquers all, but do you?

Did i say friends too much?

Because you’re venturing for something different when its you that im missing

Did i say friends too much?

Because you dont talk to me the way you use to, I hear the strain in your voice when you say I love you too, boo.

Did i say friends too much?

Because our next visit would be planned before this one ended and right now i think your open offer to visit has been rescinded.

Did i say friends too much?

Because your reminder of our friendship struck me like a blow at midnight in a dark alley. I thought there was light at the end of our tunnel, but i’ve been mistaken.. sadly.

So please baby one last thing before you go that i truly must know.

Did i say friends too much?

Because that aint all. You’re my future, my lover, my BEST friend and heaven sent.

If i have to walk this world without you, life would make no sense.

Bill Collector’s Notice

Sometimes i wonder what would have happened if i would have said anything else.

Im afraid the few nights you spend with someone else would be the end of me.

Maybe it just isnt meant to be

Whats good to me

Isnt best to you.

What im saying is i just want whats best for you.

Even if that isnt me… i guess

The words linger in my mind and i want to get it off of my chest.

I wish it was easy to forget

I wish we could let bygones be bygones

And live happily yet

I see the realities that fade quickly

In a moments kiss

And a night of cuddles

I knew it wasnt but i wished it was.

I was ready to risk it all for a green light

Moving too fast

Stopped at your red light

No specials,

My hearts an open vessel

And your ships welcomed to dock at any moment

Because what your selling is potent

And i pray that she dont get hooked on my earnins

Because when the bill comes i collect

And for your love im yearnin.

Until then i pray you find what you need on this journey.

Unsweetened Survival

Basket full of apples
Some how I picked a bad one
Like a bad pun
No hon-ey
for my tea
Just like me
Bitter
and
Unsweetened
Cause sugar is the thing that attracts bees
Ravage through your colony
Leaving nothing but stings
That’s not my kind of thing
Hoodie on
Zipped up
No ties
Thats how a real bad ass wolf survives

Resent-full

How dare you pretend to understand
The only thing we have common is that
everything we did, we do it for you
You’re out there with your friends now
While I’m holding my head down
Praying to sleep
When the loneliness creep
Writing this In the same bed
Read it and weep
But thats my problem now
You care as long as there’s timeouts and your opponent’s controller is down
Out of bounds
Out of a touch
I don’t want you as much
You’re everything I wish I never had
And i’m not sad
I’m mad
That I let myself be stupid
Like c’mon only a fool believes in cupid
Cause love doesn’t strike
In the dark loneliness of night.
You may say I wrote this out of spite
But it is what it is
Or is what it isn’t
I can’t wait to be done because this feeling is prison
Bound the feelings I no longer want within
The thought of you should be a sin
My dark twisted fantasy
But you aint no Kanye
Yet I put you on the pedestal
Mr. Oh don’t worry it’ll get better though
There’s a few things you’ll never know
Ego blind and Pride covered
King of the jungle bullshit
I hate what I allowed you to do to me
Thank me, but fuck you
I wish I never fucked you
I wish you never answered that text after weeks of trying
Now I’m washed up
Hung up
Drying…
Dying……..
To change emotions with potions
To wash away the stain of you
The pain of you
The I can’t believe I’m just a maybe too
In this elixir of life I got one thing for you
An immeasurable bag of resentment
Full of things I should of saved for Mr. I do too.

Grim Reaper

If I stop writing
I might find an excuse to kill myself
Not because of you
or him
or her
or because people lack compassion for others
or because of racial injustice
or the fact that there are complete psychos outside
who may kill me first and I would prefer to have the gratification
But,
Because idle time is the devil’s playground
and while i may sit here all alone
The world seems to carry on
so what’s the world with
one less lonely girl
toting a shit ton of “imaginary” issues
because what I see seems to be invisible to most
and I’d hate to give someone else the burden
Because when I do it
I’ll be able to get away with murder

Broken Wreckord

How does one measure devotion
There’s no recipe for this love potion
or poison
I don’t know, pick one.
But that’s a hard choice to make
a hard pill to swallow
but without it, my insides are hollow
Do I fuel up on sugar filled snacks
or deprive myself of any of that
That as in love, or food, or sex, or life
My indecision brings me strife
I want nothing more, but to be
a happy mother and wife
If I do too much it’ll scare you
Too little then you’d think I don’t care too
But I’m missing all the ingredients to your elixir
or maybe I’m not tasting all that’s there
I just want to hear
That you’re all here
All In
But in this world that’s a sin
There’s money to be made
Job’s to be had
Goals to reach
and I’m one of few
Whose mantra is “Love is key”
So excuse me while I use Ben Franklin’s face to burn my weed
Because without love nobody can succeed
But that’s just my world
So please tell me how I can measure devotion
in a society
Where money comes before love
and if I don’t stand by you
I get left at the bayou
singing the same broken song.